Please, let me fuck your mom
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
