Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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