I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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