You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
