Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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