Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
