yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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