if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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