Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
