dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
