It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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