I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
