Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
