At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
