K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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