At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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