i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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