I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
