My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
