sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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