he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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