I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
