I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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