Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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