Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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