You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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