My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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