she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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