Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
