Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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