were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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