So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
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How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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