fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
