I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
