Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
