Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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