Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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