Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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