My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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