theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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