carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
