as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
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why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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