I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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