hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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