Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
