It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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