Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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