We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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