and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
