i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
