hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
