Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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