that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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