new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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