We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
