meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Im part way to drunk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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