My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
