once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
