happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
