would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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