Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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