I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Let's get the cat blown out
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
