Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
