That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
